i was so pissed this morning in school. so pissed at the new math teacher specifically. i miss mrs pey. i wish she will quickly get enough rest and come back. but that's my selfish wish. anyways what happened was, we were supposed to completely linear law ws 1 and misss l-m saw that mine wasnt so she went like,"oh so u are yang2 is it? you almost failed ur math test. or maybe u failed." like, thanks mann. i needed that. and she said it rather loud too so people ard me also heard. so shit lah. it's not even like i dun have a valid reason. i had been using the weekend to catch up on the math stuff i havent finish so that i wun lag so far back. i had even done some of my kinematics assignment qns. and i AM fully aware that she went thru one of the pages in class. so sorry miss but i was just busy trying to understand the kinematics ws and i thought i could just copy what she wrote out on the board from someone else later. alright. so i totally get that she is trying to finish the topic quickly and stuff and is probably worried that i wasnt paying enough attention (so not true, if u want i'll say i'm naturally slow ) but the announcement that i almost failed my math test (or probably failed it anyway) was so not necessary. even audrey said it was mean. i wun even write here what abs and sj said about her. >.< .

so anyways i spent the rest of the lesson furiously working away at the ws and am proud to say i manage to do the classwk qns with minimal help. all this while she kept saying how those who dont do their work probably dont know enoug abt the topic and how she knows the hardworking people will surely hand up their assignm on time or some crap like that. i am only more determined to prove her wrong now. i will totally finish up the kinematics and linear law assignmts that are due on thurs and prove her wrong. i know she is my tuition friend's sister and she might even find this but i just cant stand it. i need what sj kept shouting abt on friday, "freedom of speech".

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am feeling v. confused about all sorts of things. first of all, there's what's happening to the clique.is there even such a thing anymore? does the "us" even exist anymore? why? what's going on? i know it's weird that i'm suddenly thinking about this but there's so many things that trigger me to talk about it. the most recent one being our plan to go out on rhday. then now that tchr's days comes ard, the same problem is out again. bren asked bei if she wanted to go watch movie together and she said they are going out with their classmates. i'm not stupid enough to know it's not her again. i am so .. dissapointed. and confused. we are drifting apart. werent we always going out together after any kind of celebrations that leaves us with half the sch day off? why has it suddenly changed? i feel like blaming everything all on her. even though ironically i was the one who told her to "stick ard with beifen" when she told me at the beginning of the year that her friends in 305 all have new friends and arent as close to her as before. and now? i feel like she's snatching my close friends away from me. i feel like shouting at her. in fact now i feel like shouting at anyone and everyone. and yet some part of me tells me that from my first impression, that's not the kind of person she is. so that will only leave me with one answer: they just dont see us as a clique anymore.and know what? i would be totally fine with it if they would just come out and say. "we dont think we clique anymore". i would so be able to take it better than what they have being doing for the past months, which is unconsciously hurting me and bren. and as i said the last time, i feel taken for granted. i totally dont like that feeling. just give me an answer now, know? i would be able to take it. even if it will hurt me and distract me for a long time but anything is better than being in this pool of doubt abt whether we are still as close as before.anything is better than feeling angry that they dont know who i mean by "we" anymore. which is what happened once when i passed bei some nougats and asked her to share it with "them". she went like, "wait, who do you mean?" and dint get it till i repeatedly said, "the clique, who else?".

and then there's still the possibility that i am making all the wrong judgement. they say to err is human, to forgive is divine. guess i am not so divine then.

am blardy confused. to the point that i feel like not caring anymore.

other than that, i also dont know what i should do about my studies and stuff. my chemistry totally sucks. then there's physics and bio. it's really sad cause back in sec1 & 2 i used to be really good at the latter 2.how? what to do? i really dont know.i really dunno how to handle everything that's going on in my life anymore.and i havent wanted to admit this for quite sometime but i feel like God's so far from me now. i've practically lost sight of Him. pls help me find my way back to You.